A school without grades must have been concocted by someone who was drunk on non-alcoholic wine.

The streets of Vienna are paved with culture, the streets of other cities with asphalt.

Someone who can write aphorisms should not fritter away his time in essays.

Corruption is worse than prostitution. The latter might endanger the morals of an individual, the former invariably endangers the morals of the entire country.

I had a terrible vision: I saw an encyclopedia walk up to a polymath and open him up.

The sound principle of a topsy-turvy lifestyle in the framework of an upside-down world order has stood every test.

An aphorism is never exactly true; it is either a half-truth or one-and-a-half truths.

A writer is someone who can make a riddle out of an answer.

Newspapers have roughly the same relationship to life as fortune-tellers to metaphysics.

Christianity has enriched the erotic meal with the appetizer of curiosity and spoiled it with the dessert of remorse.

The devil is an optimist if he thinks he can make people worse than they are.

His mindIt says survival of the fittest butHis soulRevival of the idiotsSo good riddance, dancing

Addiction is to the habits of mind that technology allows us to practice.

Be proud of who you are.

I think the fans really wanna hear the songs the way they sound on the record.

Whenever I wrote songs - particularly back then - it would always be for a particular artist.

The sympathy of sorrow is stronger than the sympathy of prosperity.

Me, Billy Crystal and John Goodman hang out non-stop, and all we do is silly voices. We hang out in a little closet and do voices together.

It is my guiding confession that I believe the greatest error in economics is in seeing the economy as a stable, immutable structure.

All religions will pass but this will remain: simply sitting in a chair and looking into the distance.

Reaching into someone else's pocket to assist one's fellow man hardly qualifies as charity.