A sense of humor is regarded as a sign of mental health - apart from excessive punning, which is another matter entirely.

The only good reason for swimming, so far as I can see, is to escape drowning.

I got born in the wrong family.

I am an idle devil. But at least I work at it.

There are few more frustrating things in life than being told something that you already know but cannot admit to knowing.

Machines are the opium of the masses. If all the machines in England were thrown into the North Sea tomorrow, we should be back in the Garden of Eden. And the weather would probably improve.

Without stories, we’d have even more trouble recognizing what’s real.

I half-expect to check out, but I'm really there for it. It's not like at the dance, angry and forced. It's terrible in its gentleness and he's just wasting it on me.

I mean, how would anyone learn anything if they weren't curious? How would scientists make discoveries? -- We all have the right to be different, don't we?

Dad: Honey, have you seen my glasses? I can"t find them. Mom: I haven't seen them. Calvin: (with glasses, to Dad) Calvin, go do something you hate! Being miserable builds character!

You do have demons throughout the week; every coach does.

The last night of love, the first night of war

Man is small, and, therefore, small is beautiful.

Existence itself is nothing if not an amazement. Good poems restore amazement.

No two persons have the same mind or the same body.