A smart mother suggests that her child bring an apple to his teacher; a smarter mother suggests that he bring a couple of aspirins.

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings.

Success is the good fortune that comes from aspiration, desperation, perspiration,and inspiration.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy - and Jill a wealthy widow.

The mint makes it first, it is up to you to make it last.

America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.

Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

This may be the age of automation, but love is still being made by hand.

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Nothing ages your car as much as the sight of your neighbor's new one.

Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.

If you feel afraid of magic, then you've been enchanted.

I've learned... That money doesn't buy class.

Not all human souls but only the pious ones are divine.

I should pay attention to what I know and not talk more just because I won a Nobel Prize.

If you’re taught you can't do anything you won't do anything, I was taught I could do everything.

I am a tip-top starlet. That is my job that I am paid to do.

I prefer to make movies which not only have a message for "then" but a message for "now."

Justice is restoring order, not furthering chaos.

I have an eight-year-old child, and I literally can't wrap my mind around the kind of grief that must be felt when you lose a child.

Well I think comedy everywhere has lost a bit of its bite. In Canada, I can't argue with the quality, but it feels like it's gotten a little safe.