A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.

Patience, increasing patience, Is all we needTo be victoriousIn the battlefield of life.

But what I think my emphasis is, is on the fact that I like music a lot.

I don't believe in psychology.

Painting doesn't mean just describing; it's a state of spirit.

The first guy who lays a finger on this blind old man is fined fifty bucks!

I am persuaded that the rights of woman, like the rights of slaves, need only be examined to be understood and asserted.

I'll catch you angel, i'll always catch you.

The destination cannot be described; / You will know very little until you get there; / You will journey blind.

'Don't think of it as dying,' said Death. 'Just think of it as leaving early to avoid the rush.'