A stand-up comedian faces the audiences and gets their immediate feedback. I hide behind the comic strip, and unless people write to me, I dont know what they think.

Brits have a better sense of humor in most ways. It's darker, more cutting.

When you can't draw chameleons and you can't draw blenders, it's a bad idea to write strips where chameleons become blenders.

If somebody is not on the same page with me humor wise, I can't give them that.

I seem to be able to get away with pun strips if I add a panel at the end where I somehow indicate that I know it's a bad pun.

It's best to love your family as you would a Siberian tiger-from a distance, preferably separated by bars.

You can write a little and can draw a little, but there's necessarily a limitation on both in a comic strip, since it appears in such a tiny space.

Sticking to my schedule, Ive gotten over seven months ahead, which allowed me to write a Pearls Before Swine movie script for the big screen.

I was a lawyer for 10 years, and when youre in law, things really have to get done, or somebody sues you. Its a great trick.

Most poetry just confounds me. I really want to like it, but I can't help thinking it's a hoax. (p. 24)

If you put me in South Park, that audience is going to fall asleep in five minutes.

Pink is supposed to weaken your enemies, make them go soft on you, which must be why it's used for baby girls. It's a wonder the military hasn't got on to this.

Our desire is not only to SEE glory, but to participate in the glory we see.

There is good government when those who are near are made happy, and when those who are afar are attracted.

When we risk no contradiction, It prompts the tongue to deal in fiction.

Have I done more for some today ? Than some have done for me ? If a person can answer yes at the end of a day, then that person has had a good day.

There is nothing wrong with me. These are really sick people, sick that you can see.

One of the duties of a baseball fan is to engage in arguments with the man behind him.

It was there, beyond the skin of this world, that a cure of ugliness could be found.

Basically the most fun part about the first day of anything is buying all the supplies.

Hail, gentle Dawn! mild blushing goddess, hail!Rejoic'd I see thy purple mantle spreadO'er half the skies, gems pave thy radiant way,And orient pearls from ev'ry shrub depend.