A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

Republicans have called for a National African-American Museum. The plan is being held up by finding a location that isn't in their neighborhood.

The God who delivered Hezekiah and the children of Israel is the same God who is eager to act on my behalf.

No book is written

Hands up if you’re ready to do something you’ll regret this weekend. Go forth! You have my blessing.

It is not the business of the church to adapt Christ to men, but men to Christ.

There are some people who leave impressions not so lasting as the imprint of an oar upon the water.

The Brazilian bikini wax is torture. To show a little appreciation, you could trim your nose hair. And your nut sack.

All passions that suffer themselves to be relished and digested are but moderate.

Every parent knows that for a kid, the car is chloroform.

Even animals who sometimes seem unlovable to humans, have also feelings. They can suffer just as we do.

I think if you're gonna run your mouth at somebody and they call you out on it - that's it!