A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.

It isn't how much time you spend somewhere that makes it memorable: it's how you spend the time.

We cannot attain the presence of God. We're already totally in the presence of God. What's missing is awareness.

When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.

I want my tombstone to read: If this is a joke, I don't get it.

Entrepreneurs with disabilities are overwhelmingly successful.

I don't like to watch golf on television because I can't stand people who whisper.

You know you're getting old when kids start to dress like you used to and movies are made about your teen life.

The truth is that God is to be found in all things - even and most especially in the painful, tragic and unpleasant things.

Nothing is going to stop Mike Tyson that doesn't have a motor attached.

You could place one product in a first-run telecast, a second product what that program is rerun, and a third product when the show goes into syndication, and another product when it goes on cable.

The things that we do for love is ugly, mad, full of seat and regret.

Don't you get it? You can't tell me what to feel.

It took me a long time and a lot of heartache to realize that just because you love someone, doesn’t mean they deserve it.

Actually,I am a failed anorexic. I have anorexic thinking, but I can't seem to muster the behavoir

My cousin Francis and I are in perfect accord - he wants Milan, and so do I.

The rich fool is like a pig that is choked by its own fat.

I believe that there is a God, and coming from an African tradition, I believe also that there are gods.

The problem of education is twofold: first to know, and then to utter. Everyone who lives any semblance of an inner life thinks more nobly and profoundly than he speaks.

Enter into children's play and you will find the place where their minds, hearts, and souls meet.

I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.