A very painful part of being a parent is having really negative feelings about your children when you love them so much.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't.

The greatest thing about having a child is putting yourself second in your own life. It's a massive gift to be able to say you're not the most important person to yourself.

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

I have a lot of beliefs... and I live by none of them...

My kids used to love math. Now it makes them cry. Thanks standardized testing and common core!

When you have bacon in your mouth, it doesn't matter who's president.

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Leave the dude alone and he'll figure it out.

Everything is amazing and nobody is happy

What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you

One thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.

When you are in a room with Kurtis, whether its one or a hundred he is the only person that matters.

Your greatest strength is never give up on yourself.

The reward is in the middle of hard work for a reason.

Innocence is a kind of insanity

Pop flies, in a sense, are just a diversion for a second baseman. Grounders are his stock trade.

In this life and the next, you're my only hope at happiness.

Sit up straight, listen and participate.

You might say that science operates pragmatically and religion by divine guidance. If valid, they would reach the same conclusions but science would take a lot longer.

I visited my father for the full ten years that he was in prison, so we already had a deep and loving relationship, and remembered our mother at those times.

Many of the Central Asians know Russian, and Ted Levin speaks it fluently. I speak Chinese, but Mongolian is completely different, so we had to have translators.