A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

Remember God loves you, even when its hard to love yourself.

She has been surprised by grief, its constancy, its immediacy, its unrelenting physical pain.

The Columbia is lost, but the dreams that inspired its crew remain with us.

I never had a chance to play with dolls like other kids. I started working when I was six years old.

I'm not about to put up a silly skit and preach a 15-minute message on 'how to cope' to a multitude of people who are dying and going to hell. I tremble at the thought.

I am the last President of the United States!

If you stare at someone long enough, you start to see their humanity.

That sense of family. And the way that we all interact and collaborate together. It's really gonna be something I'm gonna miss.

There are decades where nothing happens; and there are weeks where decades happen.

Thou whoreson zed! thou unnecessary letter!