A wise old owl once told me, One time when he was out of his tree, That nothing in this world is for free.I agree!

I... a universe of atoms, an atom in the universe.

Why shan't I cheat when every girl has a different taste?

92 people are killed every single day in car fatalities. What if we filmed every one of them? No one would drive cars.

Fully repeal Obamacare and replace it with health savings accounts. And we can do that.

We used to say "Ah Hell, we're young" But now we see that life is sad And so is love.

If Jesus Christ had run as an independent, Rick Perry would have beat him.

Early numbers are always wrong.

Humor is all about timing.

I have an 800 freephone number now that I call if I get the urge to buy an airline stock. I call at two in the morning and I say: "My name is Warren and I'm an aeroholic." And then they talk me down.

I can't even remember the first time I started singing.