A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her.

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

Love, like a chicken salad or restaurant hash, must be taken with blind faith or it loses its flavor.

Marriage is like twirling a baton, turning hand springs or eating with chopsticks. It looks easy until you try it.

A man never knows how to say goodbye; a woman never knows when to say it.

A bride at her second marriage does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting.

A good woman inspires a man, a brilliant woman interests him, a beautiful woman fascinates him, but a sympathetic woman gets him.

Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her.

The chief excitement in a woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.

To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

It is always hazardous to express what one has to say indirectly and allusively.

Dave had been fun when they’d first dated. Then impending fatherhood had sobered him at the same time Mickle and Company had crooked its finger, turning him from Mr. Right to Mr. Wrong.

If I wasn't an actress I'd want to be a writer or else find a job where I got to read books and watch movies all day, everyday, for the rest of my life.

When we’ve ceased hearing or changing, we need a new environment.

Children share with geniuses an open, inquiring, uninhibited quality of mind.

Dear Hotel People: We don't need a cheeseball clock-radio. WE NEED PLACES TO PLUG STUFF IN. Thank you.

God don't like complaints.

Nothing flatters me more than to have it assumed that I could write prose, unless it be to have it assumed that I once pitched a baseball with distinction.

Whenever a big white man picks up a banjo, my cheeks tighten.

While Michael Angelo's Sistine roof, His "Morning" and his "Night" disclose How sinew that has been pulled tight, Or it may be loosened in repose, Can rule by supernatural right Yet be but sinew.