A witch ought never to be frightened in the darkest forest ... because she should be sure in her soul that the most terrifying thing in the forest was her.

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

There is no reason to look back, when there is so much good in front of you. Always keep moving forward on your roads of life!

Men cry because things are not what they ought to be.

When a man fell into his anecdotage it was a sign for him to retire from the world.

Never will a time come when the most marvelous recent invention is as marvelous as a newborn child.

It so cliché to say some guys and girls need to step up, but there can be bigger stars and bigger names when people get their chance.

The progression of emancipation of any class usually, if not always, takes place through the efforts of individuals of that class.

I do just want to do jokes. I don't want to be a divisive figure.

There are some losses we never get over.

Displaying a bland, even an eerie, disregard for what appeared to be the facts of the situation, he fell back on an old habit of looking ahead to the next defeat.

Small-business people do not want to have more than 50 employees, because that's when all the regulatory burden of Obamacare kicks in.