A woman gets stretch marks from one of two things. Either she was big and got small or she was small and got big.

I think pimp, therefore i am.

Aspirin is perfectly legal, but if you take 13 of them motherf***ers, it'll be your last headache.

Genius is often called crazy, but crazy is never called genius. So you just have to put out the work and let the chips fall where they may.

All comedy comes from a dark place.

Buy a condom, ribbed for her pleasure. Turn it inside out, now it's ribbed for your pleasure.

My name is "A Pimp named Slickback" Wait... A Pimp?? ... Named Slickback. Yes, please say the whole thing if you would. Yes, that includs the "A Pimp Named" part. Yes Tom, everytime.

America is a bunch o' bullies. Tell me what the Iraq uniform is like. Don't worry, I'll wait.

The past is something for you to learn from and the future is something that you hope is going to happen, but I'm always speaking to my actual fans in present tense.

There's only winning and losing, and in our society, as in all societies, there's the person that's doing the winning, or there's the person that's facilitating the winning.

Hello?... No I'm sorry no Shaquita here. Well what number did you dial?.. No it's a nine not a seven... Well try it if it doest work call me back we'll figure this thing out.

The Spirit calls..!

The mythology of freedom under capitalism for the average person is a con job.

James Clerk Maxwell's [work is the] most profound and the most fruitful.

I don't go to different countries to criticise their political system and tell them what they should be doing - what do I know?

All paraphrases and expletives are so much in disuse that soon the only way of making love will be to say, "Lie down.

Always deliver more in 'perceived value' than you take in cash value.

If you want leaders, you must become a leader yourself!

I'm so happy to be around people. I just really like people, and being a freelancer can be lonely during the day, when you're at home trying to write anything you can.

There’s a moment of profound sadness that can be dispelled only by summoning my anger.

When I was growing up, 'Anna Karenina' was one of my favourite books.