A woman's mind is as complex as the contents of her handbag; even when you get to the bottom of it, there is ALWAYS something at the bottom to surprise you!

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?... He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

The desire to be a politician should bar you for life from ever being one.

I think age is terribly overrated. You're okay as long as you don't grow up. By all means grow old, but don't mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.

Life is supposed to be fun. It's not a job or occupation. We're here only once and we should have a bit of a laugh.

I’m actually pale blue: it takes me a week of sunbathing to turn white.

I'm not stupid... I'm just too lazy to show you the extend of my knowledge!

It's my fault but the most violating thing I've felt this year is not the media exaggerations or the catchy gossip, but the rape of my personal thoughts.

Gender and the complications it gives rise to simply aren't relevant to the lives appliances lead.

Before we set our hearts too much upon anything let us examine how happy they are who already possess it.

Something larger is happening than just going to heaven.

When I was a new mom, I used to think that life was going to be balanced, and I strived for that. But life is crazy!

Traveling is my priority, because it drives the writing, so I teach around the travel, and sometimes the travel is the teaching.

Death's a debt; his mandamus binds all alike- no bail, no demurrer.

Every jacket I make has interior pockets big enough to store a book and a sandwich and a passport.

The Four Oaths: Never be late with respect to the way of the warrior; be useful to the lord; be respectful to your parents; get beyond love and grief: exist for the good of man.