A woman would pitch a joke. Nothing. Then a guy would pitch it and everybody would laugh.

When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.

I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.

I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.

You and me, " I said, "we both got the same kind of hurt inside us."She nodded, and suddenly, just like that, I knew I could trust her with my life.

Don't love just for beauty, love to make her beautiful.

To be a saint or a man of too good a nature in today's pragmatic world, with everyone out to get the other fellow, was equivalent to being a fool, wasn't it?

Even if you enter the dirty water, stay neat like a white swan!

The study of crippled, stunted, immature, and unhealthy specimens can yield only a cripple psychology and a cripple philosophy

Believe in God like you believe in the sunrise. Not because you can see it, but because you can see all it touches.

Many of the Iranian players show their Christian names on their shirts.

I'm horrified to admit that I just love Salinger. I was devastated to find out that other people feel the same way.

Violence is an expression of impotence.

Find something you love to do. If you don't make money at it, at least you love going to work.