A writer's business is minding other people's business ... all the vices of the village gossip are the virtues of the writer.

The human comedy is always tragic, but since its ingredients are always the same - dupe, fox, straight, like burlesque skits - the repetition through the ages is comedy.

Hold fast to whatever fragments of love that exist, for sometimes a mosaic is more beautiful than an unbroken pattern.

Satire is people as they are; romanticism, people as they would like to be; realism, people as they seem with their insides left out.

All Americans come from Ohio originally, if only briefly.

A capacity for going overboard is a requisite for a full-grown mind.

I cannot exist without the oxygen of laughter.

I realize more and more how instinctively pessimistic I am of all human kindness -- since I am always so bowled over by it -- and am never surprised by injustice, malice or personal attack.

Yet better for one of my nature to have it that way than to have life a peaceful, placid flow of quiet contentment. I must have days of rushing excitement.

Joe and Jojo and I had lovely day together. I love Joe so much - more and more.

A novel is like a gland pill - it nips off the cream of my hysterics and gets them running on track in a book where they belong instead of rioting all over my person.

sometimes you have to dismantle your life to find your passion.

I liked my face. Ethan liked my face. A lot of people liked my face. Besides, makeup was really just glorified face paint.

But fight we must; and conquer we shall; in the end.

Love dries up, I thought as I walked back to the bathroom, even faster than sperm.

Memories are not just about the past. They determine our future.

Don't tell your problems to people: eighty percent don't care; and the other twenty percent are glad you have them.

Physical limitedness can only be surpassed by mental unlimitedness!

The ability to workshop in stand-up comedy is incomparable to any art form, in my opinion.

I have always been suspicious of romantic love. It looks too much like a narcissism shared by two.

Condemned and executioner with aren't coupled in a primitive rite.