ADAGE, n. Boned wisdom for weak teeth.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

When we shift from trying to figure it out to feeling our way, insight arrives.

I listen to a wide variety of music of all genres, but sometimes you just need a cheesy pop song.

the most elementary experience of life proves that the effects of compulsion last exactly as long as the physical or moral club can be applied.

We love peace, as we abhor pusillanimity; but not peace at any price.

Where else but in America could a schoolteacher from Kansas City end up the governor of her adopted state?

From as young as I can remember, I always wanted to be a singer... My mum taught me 'Going Down the Garden to Eat Worms' for a competition when I was about 4.

In my deepest parts of sadness, I'm always making a joke or being sarcastic.

When I was growing up, I was the most pretentious person I have ever met. I only read obscure books and watched obscure movies and only listened to obscure music.

I was the Jane Roe of Roe vs. Wade, but Jane Roe has been laid to rest.

I'd rather be broken than wasted.