ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Without adversity, there would be no growth, and without growth, there would be no lesson to be learned.

Follow your heart and go with the flow".

I'm not sure how we got to this place, where a girl's only value is in what kind of marriage she has, how capable she is of keeping a man happy.

Sometimes you win, sometimes you learn.

We are not the playwright, we are not the producer, we are not even the audience. We are on the stage.

Americans are a free people, who know that freedom is the right of every person and the future of every nation. The liberty we prize is not America's gift to the world; it is God's gift to humanity.

American art, like the American language and American education, was as far as possible sexless.

See, heroes never die. John Wayne isn't dead, Elvis isn't dead. Otherwise you don't have a hero. You can't kill a hero. That's why I never let him get older.

I look at my music in the beginning, and the sexual songs, the partying songs, those are the realities because those things happen.

Many emotions go under the name of love, and almost any one of them will for a while divert the mind from the real, true, and perfect thing.