APOTHECARY, n. The physician's accomplice, undertaker's benefactor and grave worm's provider

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

O Great Swami of the East, your wisdom has pierced the miasma.

Don't you suppose men get surprised after they're married to findthat their wives do have sense?""Well, it's too late den. Dey's already mahied.

Perhaps it's a good time to reconsider pleasure at its roots. Changing out of wet shoes and socks, for instance.

What is the chief end of giving? To glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

You come into the world with nothing, and the purpose of your life is to make something out of nothing.

Its so much easier to throw rocks than it is to govern.

How damaging is a habit that permits faultfinding, character assassination, and the sharing of malicious rumors! Gossip and caustic comments often create chains of contention.

The secret to riches is the same as the secret to comedy - timing.

Warner Bros., where I spent pretty much most of my professional life, they continue to make a lot of movies but so many of the studios are pulling back.

Attempts to secure an equal outcome always require unequal treatment of individuals.