ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

JEALOUS, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.

Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.

AMNESTY, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.

GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.

Inhumanity, n. One of the signal and characteristic qualities of humanity.

NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

POLITICS, n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

Children are a battle of a different sort. ... A battle without banners or warhorns but no less fierce.

I can't get too offended when somebody parodies me.

Nothing chased nightmares away faster than the rustle of printed paper.

We would always disagree with any words like aggression in our address.

Poor minds talk about people average minds talk about events great minds talk about ideas

[On parenthood:] You can't change your mind--you know, and say, this isn't working out, let's sell.

I think there are people who's lives have been saved because of the study of the genome.

Because, if one is writing novels today, concentrating on the beauty of the prose is right up there with concentrating on your semi-colons, for wasted effort.

My father died when I was nine, but I came from a stable family environment, which I think does contribute to being well-behaved.

The collar-bone is my favourite part of the human body.