Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Love your work and rejoice in all your accomplishments.

it is not the first language that is all-important, but which language captures the adolescent's imagination when he or she first discovers literature.

We've put more effort into helping folks reach old age than into helping them enjoy it.

Everybody thinks I'm this delicate little girl. But you can't tell a book by it's cover.' To which she added a momentary smile.

Till this moment I never knew myself.

Don't worry, be happy! Just like the song. So simple yet so true!

Women are always anxious to urge bachelors to matrimony; is it from charity, or revenge ?.

Progress is the attraction that moves humanity.

I think you end up doing the stuff you were supposed to do at the time you were supposed to do it.

I'm a better editorial cartoonist by default because so many editorial cartoonists out there are so awful.