According to a new poll, nearly six out of 10 Republicans want Mitt Romney to run for president. So do 10 out of 10 Democrats.

Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen.

Starbucks says they are going to start putting religious quotes on cups. The very first one will say, 'Jesus! This cup is expensive!'

A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: 'Duh.'

If life gives you lemons, make some kind of fruity juice.

A new report says that dogs can sniff out prostate cancer with almost 98 percent accuracy. The report also finds that cats can sniff it out with 100 percent accuracy but they prefer to watch you die.

I have an abacus at home.

A new presidential poll reveals that Democrats have the edge among voters under 30. The good news for Republicans is that there's only six people under 30 who actually vote.

Ukraine announced plans to open Chernobyl, their nuclear disaster site, to tourists. They say it's just like Disneyland, except the 6-foot mouse is real.

Santa will be showing up with Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.

After making insulting remarks about Mexicans, Donald Trump has been kicked off of NBC and Univision. On the bright side, Trump's hair has a new show on Animal Planet.

You're nobody's rainbow. You're nobody's princess. You're nobody's doorway but your own, and the only one who gets to tell you how your story ends is you.

One thing you'll learn as you get older, Simon, is that when people tell you something unpleasant about themselves, it's usually true.

We have seen too much defeatism too much pessimism too much of a negative approach.

Don't underestimate the cosmetic power of sunglasses. It's worth spending a bit of money on a quality pair. I usually go for Dior or Louis Vuitton.

Gravity Falls is a show about mysteries and magic but first and foremost it's a show about characters.

I'd rather see a sermon than hear one any day; I'd rather one should walk with me than merely tell the way.

Nobel Prize money is a life-belt thrown to a swimmer who has already reached the shore in safety.

Boredom is like a pitiless zooming in on the epidermis of time. Every instant is dilated and magnified like the pores of the face.

Ending illegal immigration only strengthens legal immigration.

Hardy thinks they're cheering for him. I'm not going to tell him differently.