According to a new study, Botox injections can help back pain. So you see, that's why John Kerry had all that Botox - his back was killing him from all that flip-flopping on issues.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

unless you're the lead dog the view never changes...mercy out does justice every time:always find your way back home/

He who shuns the millstone shuns the meal.

We spend our days in deliberating, and we end them without coming to any resolve.

Buy when most people, including experts, are pessimistic, and sell when they are actively optimistic.

Every time you almost die, I almost die myself.

Whatever goes upon two legs is an enemy. Whatever goes upon four legs, or has wings, is a friend.

I am a record executive and I shall be right there in your face with my records.

The sea will grant each man new hope, and sleep will bring dreams of home.

Cardinal Mazarin was a great knave, but no great man; much more cunning than able; scandalously false and dirtily greedy.

People saying that you been robbed is almost better than winning a Grammy.