According to the New York Daily News, Geraldo said he is now carrying a gun, and he will personally shoot Osama bin Laden if he finds him. If Osama also has a gun, this could work out okay.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

Giving and empathy provide us with opportunities to nurture our innate goodness.

We have to be successful at the cutting-edge industries of the future like Twitter. But we also have always been a country that makes stuff.

Women should have the same rights and respect and paychecks and everything, you know, they're human beings.

So it's mainly a question of helping the Third World overcome the effects of global warming.

I'm supposed to have a Ph.D. on the subject of women.

I see that being looked at askance as a form of elitism now, which is really scary.

People in their right minds never take pride in their talents.

The performance of performance has developed to such an extent in recent years that it challenges the music itself and will soon threaten it with relegation.

According to my definition of God, I'm not an atheist. Because I think God is everything. Whenever I open my eyes I'm looking at God. Whenever I'm listening to something I'm listening to God.

Many ordinary Americans make themselves feel better by saying what the famous daytime TV idiot says. But it leads to absolute calamity and disaster, as we are seeing.