Achievement: The death of an endeavor and the birth of disgust.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Trouble and perplexity drive me to prayer, and prayer drives away perplexity and trouble.

.. questions that had begun to creep into her thoughts whenever they we're together. When would he be ready? Would he ever be ready? And of course, why he wasn't ready?..

A wise man hears one word and understands two.

If you have only one smile in you give it to the people you love.

If you take the the insults of your fellow human beings personally, you will be offended for the rest of your life.

If you truly want to become a better you, it is imperative that you learn to feel good about yourself.

The church is in the hope business.

We are not primarily called to do something or go somewhere; we are called to Someone.

You need a teaching coach who understands the game of basketball, not just some guy coming on the court talking about Xs and Os.

I would like to be a philosopher in ancient Athens and a poet in ancient China.