Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

Being Larry David on Curb Your Enthusiasm was the best thing to happen to Larry David in life.

Give a guy a girlfriend and a great job, he doesn’t need therapy.

I’d rather have the thieves than the neighbors - the thieves don't impose. Thieves just want your things, neighbors want your time.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

Sometimes you have to wander a bit, and do what you don't want to in order to figure out what it is you're supposed to do.

Switzerland is a place where they don't like to fight, so they get people to do their fighting for them while they ski and eat chocolate.

I had a job as a paralegal. I drove a cab.

A date is an experience you have with another person that makes you appreciate being alone

I don't trust easily, so when I tell you I trust you, don't make me regret it.

But the hearts of small children are delicate organs. A cruel beginning in this world can twist them into curious shapes.

A wonder lasts but nine days, and then the puppy's eyes are open.

If we cannot write with the beauty of Mozart, let us at least try to write with his purity.

When we teach kids to follow the rules that there’s only one right answer & to avoid mistakes at all costs, we’re resigning them to average.

It's all so beautiful . . . the spring . . . and books and music and fires. . . . Why aren't they enough?

Nobody should be entirely defined by one thing

Indifference is commonly the mother of discretion.

Companies have too many experts who block innovation. True innovation really comes from perpendicular thinking.

I couldn't figure out what to wear under my clothes. The body shapers were too thick at the time.