After I told my wife that black underwear turned me on, she didn't wash my Y-fronts for a month.

I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.

So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I said "No. I've a bar of toffee in my back pocket and I was just trying to break it."

The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.

She's a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.

It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.

I met this cowboy with a brown paper hat, paper waistcoat and paper trousers. He was wanted for rustling.

My mother was so house proud that when my father got up to sleepwalk she had the bed made by the time he got back.

My parents never understood me; they were Japanese.

My father was a simple man; my mother was a simple woman; you see the result standing in front of you, a simpleton.

We've got stained glass windows in our house; it's those damned pigeons.

Lies can build large palaces of sand.....I wanna live in a small hut of trust

When you find complete acceptance in the Father, you will no longer stress about what others believe, think or say about you.

Those times when someone you thought was your friend talks about you behind your back really hurt. Even if you act like you don't care, deep inside, you care.

No guy is worth your tears, but when you find that one that could be worth it, he shouldn't make you cry.

People without independence have no business to meddle with science. It should never be linked with lucre.

Dining is and always was a great artistic opportunity.

We need to strengthen Asian diplomacy.

I do have rituals. I'm a fairly superstitious person.

It is far better to keep the enemy close, by bribing him with stock options, than to have him out in the wild, foraging.

In Ali change creation faith growth hope humor life living Muhammad Ali transformation wonder If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, they can sure make something out of you.