After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that used to sit by him in school.

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

Happy Endings are an illusion. Real life is filled with brief moments of fleeting happiness, but ultimately every life is a tragedy that ends in death and grief.

You can’t take credit for what you do when your back is against the wall.

I got an attitude, that's rude because I walked over Elvis' grave in some blue suede shoes.

I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.

Well, I happen to have a love of vocal reproduction devices.

To the intelligent man or woman, life appears infinitely mysterious. But the stupid have an answer for every question.

Holding hands at midnight 'Neath a starry sky... Nice work if you can get it And you can get it -- if you try.

It's dangerous to get too far from what they identify you with.

Phenomenology is dialectic in ear-mode - a massive and decentralized quest for roots, for ground.

Chefs become attracted to being able to get product and then clientele - those are the two things that attract you as a chef.