After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get out a new book by him each year.

We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are thinking of Bucharest, and there is no such place as Bucharest, either.

In America, a pedestrian is someone who has just parked their car.

My favorite food from my homeland is Guinness. My second choice in Guinness. My third choice - would have to be Guinness.

If there is no God, everything is permitted.

Friendship is the medicine for all misfortune; but ingratitude dries up the fountain of all goodness.

Regardless of our age, experience, or station in life, we are all missionaries.

Books are but stepping stones to show you where other minds have been.

Anytime you make someone laugh or satirize something, it's the best way to change someone's opinion because they're defenseless - they laugh, they listen.

Good thoughts are no better than good dreams, unless they are executed.

I haven't chosen to make an issue of faith.

History is a matter of interpretation, but you have to start with certain facts.