After nearly 15 minutes of soul searching, I have heard the call. Nation, I will seek the office of the president of the United States. I am doing it!

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Players lose you games, not tactics. There's so much crap talked about tactics by people who barely know how to win at dominoes.

To be an artist you have to be as much a businessman to succeed, you have to spend an equal amount of time doing business as you spend doing your craft.

One moment, ten thousand years. Ten thousand years, one moment.

You add value to people when you value them.

If we give the bureaucrats our children, we may as well give them everything else.

The album for Fiddler really took off. I think it was a combination of John Williams and the score. It was a very classy big album.

I think the important thing about my appointment is not that I will decide cases as a woman, but that I am a woman who will get to decide cases.

There is no absurdity in theology so great that you cannot parallel it by a greater absurdity in Nature.

The item of clothing that makes us feel powerful is the one that makes us feel confident and self-assured, that magically makes us look our best in all kinds of circumstances.

James Joyce is a cul-de-sac. [Ulysses is] ... an example how literature branched out and went into, lost itself in nowhere, no man's land.