After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said "No bablo ingles."

I was going to buy a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking", and then I thought: What good would that do?

My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August.

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'

I fear one day I'll meet God, he'll sneeze and I won't know what to say.

I always wanted to be the last guy on Earth, just to see if all those women were lying to me.

A lot of people wonder how you can tell if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this question: 'Would I mind being financially destroyed by this person?'

I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew $5000 at a reincarnation. I got to thinking, what the hell, you only live once!

I was an ugly baby. On my birth certificate there was a listing for Probable Cause.

Where there's a will there's a dead person.

Relationships give us a reason to live. Revenge.

We are not talking about a new cognition in relation to abstract art, rather a new area of cognition.

It certainly seems like a good idea to talk about Heaven, meditate about Heaven and read about Heaven, because, after all, that's where we're going to spend eternity.

As you love His children, Heavenly Father will guide you, and angels will assist you.You will be given power to bless lives and rescue souls.

An important and fundamental premise of the American judicial system is the presumption of innocence, that is until proven guilty.

Jewelry, to me, is a pain in the derriere, because you have to be watching it all the time.

To him who knows to prosper and does it not, to him it is sin.

I love giving flowers. It is so deliciously unlasting and romantic.

I enjoy what I do, but it's more challenging than people think.

I've married a friggin horse. And he bites.

Unlimited choice is paralyzing. The Internet has made this form of paralysis due to option overload a standard feature of comfortable modern life.