Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

By the end of my thirties I was a mental and physical wreck!

Without failure there is no sweetness in success. There's no understanding of it.

My husband changed jobs so fast that I simply never knew what business he was in.

Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one.

We have been snared in the coils of a spurious logic which insists that if we have found Him we need no more seek Him.

I left Delhi, in 1971, shortly after Collective Choice and Social Welfare was published in 1970.

Trying to determine what is going on in the world by reading newspapers is like trying to tell the time by watching the second hand of a clock.

To hell with housework, our top priority has always been between our legs.

My love for you tonight is so deep and tender that it seems to be outside myself as well.

Finally, one just has to shut up, sit down, and write.