All Dogs Go To Heaven? Sorry, kids. It's only the dogs who've accepted Christ.

Agnostics are just atheists without balls.

A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?

Here's an easy way to figure out if you're in a cult: If you're wondering whether you're in a cult, the answer is yes.

America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.

Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.

So if animals aren't our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.

After Jesus showed up, the Old Testament basically became a way for Bible publishers to keep their word coun

All weather is sin-related. Lust causes thunder, anger causes fog, and you don't want to know what causes dew.

That's not a religion, that's Pokemon.

... had to pee like a racehorse at an Iced Tea convention.

It is necessary for us to have an imperfect freedom so that we can give ... if we cannot give anything to God, we do not have a share in his Spirit, who by his very nature is Gift.

I'd like to know that your love Is love I can be sure of.

God, I hate the Germans.

Really unreal world, will you perhaps do the breathing for me while I am away?

Is ditchwater dull? Naturalists with microscopes have told me that it teems with quiet fun.

When I could have used a wife, I could not support one; and when I could support one, I no longer needed any

Explore. Dream. Discover.

How can a question be answered that asks a lifetime of questions.

I'm surrendering myself to the realities of the Internet.

Teach us to care and not to care Teach us to sit still. Pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death Pray for us now and at the hour of our death.