All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.

men do not suspect faults which they do not commit

By taking good care of your posture now, you will enjoy and savor lifelong health benefits and beauty.

Discussions of death and such matters do more to unlock the human tongue than any other subject.

I feel a very unusual sensation - if it is not indigestion, I think it must be gratitude.

Happiness may be defined as good fortune joined to virtue, or a independence, or as a life that is both agreeable and secure.

Business is a human enterprise, driven and determined by people.

I write fiction. I make things up, it's what I do.

Pavarotti is not vain, but conscious of being unique.

Advertising is, actually, a simple phenomenon in terms of economics. It is merely a substitute for a personal sales force - an extension, if you will, of the merchant who cries aloud his wares.

Because you can't intervene everywhere, you don't conclude you can't intervene anywhere.