All I ever wanted to do is make people laugh.

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an éclair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Keep your head up in failure and your head down in success.

Airline hostesses show you how to use a seatbelt in case you haven't been in a car since 1965.

Life is miraculous and love is the miracle.

even after every emotional accident, the show must go on.

A geek by definition is somebody who eats live animals. I?ve never eaten live animals.

There's a certain kind of time that's metronomic, that's correct, but doesn't want you want to dance. It doesn't make you want to move, and it doesn't make you want to play.

And generally the shows I'm in fail really big.

I love all of the government conspiracy stuff. I love all of the shady backroom White House dealings that are going on, and all of the politics involved. That kind of stuff is just fascinating to me.

It's comprised of both Republicans and Democrats and their membership in this club known as the establishment, party affiliation is second or third in terms of your qualifications to be in the club.

You believe by doubting and you doubt by believing; yet this state too is not the final one.

Most artists should be able to make the album that they want. You don't necessarily pick the singles that you want when you're making a record, but for the most part it's the same process.

Will the slave fight? If any man asks you, tell him No. But if anyone asks you will a Negro fight, tell him Yes!