All I say is, kings is kings, and you got to make allowances. Take them all around, they're a mighty ornery lot. It's the way they're raised.

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Never regret anything that made you smile.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Life is short, Break the Rules. Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably And never regret ANYTHING That makes you smile.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

No other being is lesser human than the one who thinks of others as such.

You can say the same thing nicely.

It's not easy. I got lots of rejections when I first started out. If you want to write, you have to believe in yourself and not give up. You have to do your best to practice and get better.

I have two moods. One is Roy, rollicking Roy, the wild ride of a mood. And Pam, sediment Pam, who stands on the shore and sobs... Sometimes the tide is in, sometimes it's out.

Since I got to the big leagues, there's been a whole lot of Direct-TV sold in Jamestown. People like to keep up with the local boy.

Example is a dangerous lure: where the wasp got through the gnat sticks fast.

Even the police have an unlisted number.

As the sea-crab swimmeth always against the stream, so doth wit always against wisdom.

I hang by a thread, but it is (if I may so speak) of Christ's spinning

To love is the half of to believe.