All a skeptic is is someone who hasn't had an experience yet.

We are firm believers of the paranormal, but we believe over 80 percent of all claims can be disproved.

If your cat's speaking Latin, you might have a problem.

Our EMF meter was jumping off the charts. We found her alarm clock was causing crazy electro-magnetic fields around it. We spent $22.99 on a nice digital clock, and she never saw an apparition again.

We once installed a $1.49 trap in a woman's toilet and she never had ghost problems again.

At least I understood that writing was this: an impulse to share with other people a feeling or truth that I myself had. Not to preach to them, but to give it to them if they cared to hear it.

He that becomes protector of sin shall surely become its prisoner.

Nice words and nice appearance doesn't conclude that someone is nice, i believe that the nicer you look, the more deceptive you appear.

Obscenity is whatever gives a judge an erection.

I only judge people by the depth of their squat.

For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens: as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone.

I let my drinking do the talking.

God sacrifices himself for man and puts himself where only man deserves to be.

I'm really normal. I play football, go to the beach, drive. We have dogs. I can imagine people calling me a character, but I'm Joe Straight.

Plain living and high thinking are no more.