All advice can only be a product of the man who gives it.

The downward spiral of Dumbness in America is about to hit a new low.

Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously.

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

I learned a long time ago that reality was much weirder than anyone's imagination.

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that claim a God and the only thing that behaves like it hasn't got one.

Sleep late, have fun, get wild, drink whisky and drive fast on empty streets with nothing in mind but falling in love and not getting arrested.

America... just a nation of two hundred million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns and no qualms about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.

So we shall let the reader answer this question for himself: who is the happier man, he who has braved the storm of life and lived or he who has stayed securely on shore and merely existed?

Anything that gets your blood racing is probably worth doing.

Hope rises and dreams flicker and die. Love plans for tomorrow and loneliness thinks of yesterday. Life is beautiful and living is pain.

In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours.In all the world, there is no love for you like mine.

If there is no sunshine today, I decide to be their sunlight.

But without doubts, without a standpoint reached through questionings, human beings can't acquire knowledge.

Justice is to be found only in the imagination.

I only judge people by the depth of their squat.

A dog, I will maintain, is a very tolerable judge of beauty, as appears from the fact that any liberally educated dog does, in a general way, prefer a woman to a man.

Virtue lies half way between two opposite vices.

As I say, if we bring up religion we'll have differences; we'll have arguments; and we'll never be able to get together.

Wine and women bring misery.

When I look back at the tapes, your first everything, your first All-Star Game, your first playoff experience, it just seems like it went by really fast.