All bad art is the result of good intentions.

The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.

Always forgive your enemies nothing annoys them so much.

It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.

Everyone may not be good, but there's always something good in everyone. Never judge anyone shortly because every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.

To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.

Be yourself; everyone else is taken.

Women are made to be loved, not understood.

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.

I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

I've come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy.

How often have our own tears blinded us to the tears of others.

To think you know what is best for another person is an industrial-strength ego trip.

No baby shall at any time be quartered in a house where there are no soft laps, no laughter, or no love.

I'm fond of all my characters so every time one doesn't make the cut I'm a little disappointed although I understand it.

I've been in the Bible every day since I've been the president.

Being silly is still allowed, not excluded by adulthood. What's excluded by adulthood is thoughtlessness, so be thoughtful and silly

Nurse: "Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office". Doctor: "Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in."

My shrug was so nonchalant it would make a cat jealous

I can never stand in one place on stage for more than a minute and am always singing, dancing and jumping.