All fat women look the same; they all look 42.

But nothing is more opaque than absolute transparency.

I hope that people will finally come to realize that there is only one 'race' - the human race - and that we are all members of it.

Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them.

Canada was built on dead beavers.

A divorce is like an amputation: you survive it, but there's less of you.

We still think of a powerful man as a born leader and a powerful woman as an anomaly.

You can only be jealous of someone who has something you think you ought to have yourself.

Nature is to zoos as God is to churches.

If the national mental illness of the United States is megalomania, that of Canada is paranoid schizophrenia.

Another belief of mine; that everyone else my age is an adult, whereas I am merely in disguise.

If you can decide to invest all your time into giving birth to a quality product, the whole world will celebrate you and everyone will be in need of your product.

God hears and answers every prayer.

The real satire starts when I’m shockingly mocked, not mockingly shocked.

Most of the evil in this world is done by people with good intentions.

Never permit fears, doubts, circumstances, laziness or the lack of ambition to force you into leaving any stone unturned.

There are three secrets to managing. The first secret is have patience. The second is be patient. And the third most important secret is patience.

With grace and a keen appreciation of human nature, Nicholas Thompson has written a revealing, moving history of the Cold War through two fascinating men.

It is the good war that hallows every cause.

"I got up early because I wanted to." - Nobody

To be a very, very minor, eighth-tier celebrity, you realize, 'Hey, celebrities are just like us.'