All men are not slimy warthogs. Some men are silly giraffes, some woebegone puppies, some insecure frogs. But if one is not careful, those slimy warthogs can ruin it for all the others.

Dogs are us, only innocent.

If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?

There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth.

Dogs act exactly the way we would act if we had no shame.

Infidelity is such a pretty word, so light and delicate. Whereas the act itself is dark and thick with guilt, betrayal, confusion, pain, and (okay) sometimes enormous pleasure.

Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people.

A person who uses party as a verb is a person who will walk into a shop and walk out wearing a rubber jumpsuit.

Friends are the twenty-first-century version of extended families.

we know that our world is corrupt and diseased but we're tired of being cynical and feeling helpless. What the hell, tilt at a windmill.

Show me a woman who is prouder of her clean kitchen than of her collection of lingerie and I'll show you a woman with enlarged pores.

Stars shine on us, but talent shines in us.

To say that life is nothing but a property of certain peculiar combinations of atoms is like saying that Shakespeare's Hamlet is nothing but a property of a peculiar combination of letters.

For the devil has no power . . . except in the dark." - Madame Dorothea

Time is money, be a better you.

I pushed my ragged mouth against the mirror. A thousand crushed bleeding lips pushed back at me.

A sure cure for boredom: fast until you are ravenous.

Any who love Jesus will love others much more.

Middle age: The time when you'll do anything to feel better, except give up what is hurting you.

The dice of Zeus always fall luckily.

More company increases happiness, but does not lighten or diminish misery.