All my adult life I've been in the practice of giving advice to people who are happier than I am.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.

People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.

The grave's a fine and private place, But none, I think, do there embrace.

Science fiction films are not about science. They are about disaster, which is one of the oldest subjects of art.

I'm suspicious of any mode of transportation that requires a running start.

My administration doesn’t have any secrets, and from now on, neither will you.

But virtue too, as well as vice, is clad in flesh and blood.

I'd rather be respected than loved.

I'll take as much work as I can get. You can always need more work.

A success unshared is a failure.

If he'd been a hero, he would have taken the opportunity to say, "That's what I call sorted!" Since he wasn't a hero, he threw up.

A good model can advance fashion by ten years.