All my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.

I think the Republican party should be placed in drydock and have the barnacles scraped off its bottom.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

I have three phobias which, could I mute them, would make my life as slick as a sonnet, but as dull as ditch water: I hate to go to bed, I hate to get up, and I hate to be alone.

Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time.

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.

Too many of our countrymen rejoice in stupidity, look upon ignorance as a badge of honor. They condemn everything they don't understand.

Fill what is empty, empty what is full, and scratch where it itches.

My father warned me about men and booze but he never said anything about women and cocaine.

They aren't making mirrors like they use to.

They used to photograph Shirley Temple through gauze. They should photograph me through linoleum.

Grief made fools of us all. There was shock in it, but there could hardly be surprise.

I guess I'd rather have a truthful neighbor who says he hates me than a lyin' one who claims he loves me.

Freedom of teaching and of opinion in book or press is the foundation for the sound and natural development of any people.

I'm a thinker not a talker.

You are but an appearance, and not absolutely the thing you appear to be.

Of course, with the people you really know, no one changes that much.

You don't become great by trying to be great. You become great by wanting to do something, and then doing it so hard that you become great in the process.

It’s not stress that kills people, but how they react to it.

You can be a good person without any racial intent and still want to keep the flag. That's what I learned in my time in the south.

You know how I be. Last week Kobe couldn't do without me.