All my other relationships with men, there was so much maneuvering and strategic decisions and stuff.

As a writer, the worst thing you can do is work in an environment of fear of rejection.

I suddenly had this really mad desire to have an affair with a woman. I was divorced. I was childless. I figured there's got to be one more way to really tick off my mom.

Time flies, though, huh? But I feel young. And do you know how I stay feeling young, ladies and gentlemen? I'll share my secret with you: I live in a senior citizen retirement community.

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.

I was over there in Hawaii. I was there on the big island. The 'Big Island' - that name cracks me up. First of all, it's not that big, so I'm pretty sure a guy came up with that name.

They're all sources of material. What I love about what I do, the more you talk about your life, there are so many people who have similar experiences.

Women, stop buying the lingerie. Stop buying it right now. Oh, it's a big rip off. Oh my god, $18 bucks for panties this big? Come on, one trip through the dryer, and it's a frilly bookmark.

Just be your authentic self because there's nothing sexier or more beautiful than that.

I'm not afraid of putting myself out there to someone and then them passing on it. At least you could have gotten a 'yes.' So it's worthwhile to have the cojones to do it.

Making love to a woman is like buying real estate: location, location, location.

Love that Literature.

You may be a person I admire, but you can't be a person that everyone admires. You are not everyone's favourite, but you are someone's favourite whether you like them or not.

A horse! a horse! my kingdom for a horse!

Happiness is a wine of the rarest vintage, and seems insipid to a vulgar taste.

Anybody want some . . . toast?

Of course the Devil is laughing at folks for believing it [Big Bang, etc.]. But hey, it works, it sends 'em to Hell, so he'll use it.

I wanted to tell stories about people who didn't have the chance to tell their own.

I write really well on the road.

For me, the biggest idiot will always be John Terry.

There never will exist anything permanently noble and excellent in the character which is a stranger to resolute self-denial.