All of Dad's relationships ended exactly the same: subpoena, beep of a moving van backing up the driveway, pile of his clothes burning on the front lawn.

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

From the bow of the canoe she asked, "Do you know a rain dance?""First I need a virgin.

Sometimes I wanted to go to sleep and not wake up. I’d lie awake in bed, wondering, wishing, hoping that I’d close my eyes and then I just … wouldn’t open them ever again.

Without calling the overall national issue a bubble, it's pretty clear that it's an unsustainable underlying pattern.

I listen to my iPod as I walk on. If I'm winning I'll listen to the same song, that's like a good luck thing - usually The Black Eyed Peas' Let's Get It Started.

With my partner beside me, I fear nothing, not even death.

I want to see the economy rebound.

Everybody wants to get into the act!

I've experienced more sunrises with my bandmates and friends out on the road than with my wife, because we're always up at these strange times in the mornings trying to catch a plane.

Grace comes to forgive and then forgive again.

Candidate Obama promised to fundamentally transform America and that's one promise he has kept. Turning a shining city on a hill into a sinking ship.