All of television's appalling, but this is hardly a new statement.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

My favorite animal is steak.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

If we take away any of the attributes of God, we do not weaken God but we weaken our concept of God.

All along the line, physically, mentally, morally, alcohol is a weakening and deadening force.

When you wear a fresh pair of shoes, you feel like you can never die. You feel like you're gonna live forever.

I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time.

You can't build your dream by what you're going to do or planning to do or intend to do. You only build your dream by building it.

The friend that I based Heffer on was adopted, and it all played into his total personality.

It is dangerous, at any time, to multiply sources of weakness.

No government knows any limits to its power except the endurance of the people.

We never know all the facts and the more we're mindful of how we deal with people, the more opportunity we have to evolve.

A man isn't tiny or giant enough to defeat anything.