All the donuts have names that sound like prostitutes

A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't.

Don't plant your bad days. They grow into weeks. The weeks grow into months. Before you know it, you got yourself a bad year. Take it from me - choke those little bad days. Choke 'em down to nothing.

We are buried beneath the weight of information, which is being confused with knowledge; quantity is being confused with abundance and wealth with happiness. We are monkeys with money and guns.

I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.

when your down on your luck and you've lost all your dreams theres nothing like a campfire and a can of beans

I like beautiful melodies telling me terrible things.

The folks who know the truth aren't talking.... The ones who don't have a clue, you can't shut them up!

You have to keep busy. After all, no dog's ever pissed on a moving car.

When I was younger, I wanted to be older. Now I am older, I am not quite so sure.

Most people don't care if you're telling them the truth or if you're telling them a lie, as long as they're entertained by it.

So long, I replied, may we all have one good flight before we rest among flowers and the orbits of hungry worms.

Now, now my good man, this is no time to be making enemies."(Voltaire on his deathbed in response to a priest asking him that he renounce Satan.)

Some pray to marry the man they love My prayer will somewhat vary: I humbly pray to Heaven above That I love the man I marry.

Well, I don't think there's any need for people to focus on my career.

People respect nonfiction but they read novels.

I am 1,000 percent for Tom Eagleton and I have no intention of dropping him from the ticket.

More women are becoming the men they wanted to marry, but too few men are becoming the women they wanted to marry. That leaves most women with two jobs, one outside the home and one in it.

It's hard to want to let somebody into your house.

The knowledge of the theory of logic has no tendency whatever to make men good reasoners.

Never was so much false arithmetic employed on any subject, as that which has been employed to persuade nations that it is in their interest to go to war.