All these teenagers tell us how much they want to grow up and then when they do they want to be young again.

When life gives you lemons don't make lemonade, make pink lemonade. Be unique.

I noticed recently, in the last few shows I did, that I'm starting to get people - not a large group, but quite a few people - who come to see me because they love Curb Your Enthusiasm.

If you feel like there's something out there that you're supposed to be doing, if you have a passion for it, then stop wishing and just do it.

I'm here today because I refused to be unhappy. I took a chance.

Don't bother me while I'm eating, or when I'm coming out of the crackhouse or something. Just let me get going.

And then also I think it's harder for women because comedy is so opposite of being ladylike.

Some government workers are dedicated and work hard, but most of them are just waiting to retire.

If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.

I don't like the saying keep your friends close and enemies closer. I want my enemy on a different planet.

I don’t understand why people really get upset about something that doesn’t affect them at all.

Love simply is.

The best writing is rewriting.

Today is my last day as a human, tomorrow I am going to be a hero.

What birds can have their bills more peculiarly formed than the ibis, the spoonbill, and the heron?

There's no such thing as a lost cause.

There are billions of people on the earth and there are billions of earths, billions of universes. It is endless.

Don't blame yourself, or worry. Neither does a bit of good.

If you entrust your data to others, they can let you down or outright betray you.

I never consciously do any work directly influenced from any movie, unless I'm doing a parody.