All you can do is hang in there and hope you don't get motion sickness and puke all over the newspapers.

Cassandra,” he said, “I hope you know that poaching Muppets is illegal in this country.

When I bite you, it'll be because I want to make your toes curl and your hair stand on end. And you won't need stitches afterward. You'll need crutches.

The girl in me wanted to slap Lung across his face and yell, "Get your eyes off my sticky buns, ya creep!

Cool! Now I can steal some rich old coot's Ferrari and go fishing for marlin with the same piece of jewelry.

Sometimes things would be so much simpler if you could just pull out your gun and shoot the bad guy. Reason number seventeen why Indiana Jones is my hero.

Apparently you don't have to observe the Rules of Etiquette when reuniting with a muderous spouse.

Hey, if you decided to tear up the town, you can always use the leftover bread from my breakfast in place of your cane. I'm pretty sure it's hard enough to bust heads.

That's what I'd call him if he was my dog. Jacket-humper. Kinda had a ring to it. Although it seemed a little long for vet visits and intros to lady dogs.

There you go. Use your granddaughter to pick up women. That'll get you points in heaven.

I'm sure it's nothing switching to a light beer won't cure.

When an imaginative person gets into mental trouble, the line between seeming and being has a way of disappearing-

It's important for me to sell a product that works.

What we must seek is a plan by which the men will receive high wages when the employers are receiving high prices for the product.

For some people, there is no succession plan. They just leave, and there's no getting over it.

Touring is very grueling. It's very taxing on the body and living out of your suitcase, going from city to city, night after night. It's a tough job.

Drive-in, you guzzle gin, commit a little mortal sin.

I'd pay more just to hear proper English and have everyone keep their clothes on

As those states and others in the South and West become more diverse and educated, they will become harder for the Republican Party - in its current form - to win.

Metro, built in the late 20th century, is the most escalator-dependent system in the world.

My prayers are just an outpouring of gratitude for the assurance of that most completely desired Will of God, which will seem all the more desirable in all that is ahead.