All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

He who jumps into the void owes no explanation to those who stand and watch.

I knew in that moment that I was full of it. I didn't know who I was. I only knew my routine. I knew who I was suppose to be, who I was expected to be.

And if the worst, or best, happens, and Death comes for you in the snow, he comes disguised as Sleep, and you greet him rather as a welcome friend than a gruesome foe.

Writing the story of their own life allows the author to parse their story into examinable segments while continuing to engage in the act of communion and creation.

A minute's success pays the failure of years.

Throughout our lives, God's grace bestows temporal blessings and spiritual gifts that magnify our abilities and enrich our lives. His grace refines us. His grace helps us become our best selves.

I have been, as the phrase is, liberally educated, and am fit for nothing.

Buy low and sell high. It's pretty simple. The problem is knowing what's low and what's high.

The average American watches more than four hours of television per day. What would happen if we spent more time developing our talents than watching others develop theirs?

When life gets blurry, adjust your focus.